On December 25, ancient Romans celebrated the birth of a savior god, who was born to virgin. During his time on earth, this savior god performed miracles, such as turning water into wine. He was revered as a promoter of civilization, as a lawgiver, and a lover of peace. He was eventually killed, giving his blood as a sacrifice. After three days, he was resurrected and ascended into heaven. At the festivals devoted to his honor, his devotees would get drunk and parade around with a huge phallus—a gigantic statue of an erect penis. I am referring, of course, to Dionysus, whom the Romans knew as Bacchus.